Gents,

I was listening to a sermon this morning on the topic of anxiety and it got me thinking.

What a common topic in today’s society. The world is geared for stress and anxiety, especially in the last few months. We can’t even turn on the TV without feeling some kind of stress. ON TOP of being stressed about work, the mortgage, kids, family, repairing your AC, etc. We wake up anxious, worried and before our feet can hit the floor, we are unprepared for the battles ahead.

Obviously worrying about a deadly virus that is spreading through the world creates a lot questions and unknown fear. However, as human beings, we are enslaved by outside stimulus such as cell phones, television, and other human sources who are naïve to the situation or just repeat what their buddy told them.

Our eyes open and we reach for our phone. We begin scrolling through other people’s lives and so called “happiness.” We begin placing judgement on people because they get to go on vacation. “But how? Aren’t they in as much debt as we are?” Why are some people blessed more than others?

After scrolling and wasting 20-30 minutes of our morning, we finally crawl out of bed anxious and mad for no reason. We inject ourselves with more caffeine than yesterday to try and re-stimulate our already shot adrenal glands and just continue to yawn as we anxiously rush out the door. “Man, if only I had an extra 30 minutes each day.” #Scrolling

Ever have days where you feel you are constantly moving in fast forward? I have days where I verbally say, “I feel like I’ve been running all day.” These are the days when I am not prepared and organized. I have no plan so I end up just sporadically running around accomplishing nothing. Denzel Washington said, ” Don’t confuse movement, with progress. Just because you are doing more, doesn’t mean you are getting more done.” Words of wisdom for the hectic, crazy and stressful lives we live. Be intentional about your movements.

Sometimes, the most impactful medicine is to take a break and sit still.

Live near the beach? Go sit by the water a shut up for two seconds. Put the phone down. Listen. Breathe. Reflect. Talk to God.

Live near the mountains? Do the same thing.

Live near a field? Same thing.

Have a Bathroom? Yep, same thing. Why do you think you could never find dad!?

The ability to stop and just press pause is imperative for dealing with anxiety. Matthew 6:34: “Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow has enough worry of its own.” Stop worrying about whatever is happening tomorrow, the next day or this weekend. Stop worrying what didn’t go as planned yesterday. Stop stressing over the next President. Stop worrying about having to wear a mask everywhere. Just…..Stop.

Just take a seat….Close your eyes….Take a breath…Give it to God.

Stop scrolling, stop judging, stop comparing and go live your life.

 

Managing different personalities can be very difficult. Not everyone responds the same way to criticism or even compliments. This can be difficult because as leaders, we have to be very tactful about our approach. This can be true for us as professional leaders and leaders in the home.

We have to study each person individually and learn all we can about them. I oversee 6 different managers on a daily basis. I spend as much time with each of them as I can throughout the week. However, each one of these managers are different. Understanding them is vital for my success in my position. I always try to enter with a plan for the day, however understanding each person allows me to quickly learn if my plan can play out during the day.

For example: 

If my plan is to go over a business plan or previous month’s numbers and I walk into high stress and chaos, I have to know that my plan can wait. I then have to make a decisive choice on what to do next. In most cases, I will bring myself back a notch and assist the manager however I can. This might mean acting as a team member for the day or seeing where the team has gotten behind and catch them up. Sometimes, there isn’t time for the manager to communicate to me what needs to be done. This causes me to be instinctual when I walk in the door and begin studying the environment.

Our overall goal is to build a positive culture. This should be the goal of any business because it allows for a positive environment and happy team members. However, this begins with the leader of the store. That positive culture has to trickle down from the top and if it doesn’t, there will be a halt in the culture like a brick wall.

There are times when my plan is diverted so much that I will remove the Manager from the store, for a short time, and help take the trash out or take them to lunch. Again, understanding when this is necessary is very important.

Leadership is one of the most difficult things to understand because there are so many layers to it. Someone who studies leadership will never truly understand it because it is always evolving. I believe leaders truly understand how to make other people feel good. They build others up and equip them with the tools to be successful in their own way. They do not cast others down with harsh words, unless it is truly needed for that individual to grow. Again, understanding someone’s personality is crucial here. If I know someone responds well to intense conversations and harsh talks, we will have more of those when needed. However, if someone is more sensitive and delicate, having a harsh talk will force them to be discouraged and give up. That is why entering into a new position at any level is hard. Leaders have to take time to study their audience and who they will be working with.

It can take a long time to build a relationship of trust. People have a tendency to put barriers up when they feel uncomfortable. Leadership allows us to break through those barriers to build trust. How do you break through a barrier?

Humility. Being Genuine. Confidence. 

We have to be humble. Always. We cannot, as men, let our ego’s take over. This can be hard, very hard. We want to be the one in charge and the one that everyone loves, all the time. We want people to respect us and give us their attention at all times. But this isn’t realistic, is it?

We have to earn those qualities. We have to prove to others that we deserve those qualities. This is earned through hard work. Very hard work. Not just showing up and doing 50%. This society is all about “Do less, Expect more.” We as men have to be better than this!!

If we have what I call a “Part-time” mindset at work, this will carry over into every aspect of our life. We have to fight to overcome this everyday and rally together to give each other support to grow for our families and our friends. We have to develop an Ownership mentality instead of a Renters mentality. When you rent an apartment, you are not required to take care of it because at the end of the day, it is not your property. However, when you own a house, you are very careful with all that goes into it because you are responsible if something breaks.

This is the mentality we have to have in life as well. We have to take ownership of everything we have and take care of it. We cannot just rent our life and if something breaks, hope someone else fixes it. Own it!

Use each day to grow and get better. Use trial and error to see what will work and what doesn’t work. Study your audience and begin to understand the people you surround yourself with everyday. Be humble, genuine and have confidence in everything you do. And above all else, work your ass off!

 

Gentleman,

Our lives are very hectic. Between taking care of ourselves, our families, our co-workers, our business, and our friends, let’s face it…..we’re tired. Despite being tired however, we have to carry on each day with more strength than the day prior. Those very people listed count on us to be there for them no matter what. What is even better is having a spouse who supports your superman abilities and in turn, supporting her super woman abilities because just an inside tip, Mom’s are the real heroes. I would be nothing without my Wife! If you have kids, think about all the diapers, feedings, attention, etc. No wonder Mom’s are constantly running on E.

So what does that mean Guys?

We have to be on our A game as often as we can. This begins with how we start our day!

If your morning involves you crawling out of bed after the 5th snooze, crawling into the kitchen praying the coffee is already made, barely getting dressed and slowly pouting while walking out the front door for a job you hate, then that is where we need to start.

The funny thing is, a lot of guys start their day like this. A solid morning routine really begins the night before. Having a good night time routine is even more important, but we will save those tips for another post.

The first tip is to find a time that works for you to set an alarm and actually wake up. This needs to be a time that gives you enough time to attack the morning obstacles and not feel rushed or stressed. My time is 5:20am. I have tried waking up at 3am, 4am, 5am, etc. You name it, I have tried it. However, I finally landed on 5:20am.

I charge my phone in the bathroom at night. This forces me to get up and walk into the bathroom to turn the alarm off. By then, I am already up and standing in front of the bathroom sink. This moment is the most crucial part of your whole day! You are faced with the decision to stay up and attack your day or lay back down and hit the snooze button. Just understand, if you lay back down with your beloved snooze button, you will be “snoozing” every decision you make that day.

Assuming you did not go back to bed….I would recommend splashing water on your face or simply washing your face. The water will help you wake up and feel alert. The light in the bathroom will also tell your brain that it is time to stay awake. I am not saying you wont feel tired, however these small steps will begin to tell your body, “Hey, this is what we’re doing every day….get over it!” Mental discipline is the name of the game with everything we do as Men. Begin by telling yourself each morning that this is the new normal. Over time, your subconscious will hear it and believe it as well.

After the bathroom items are taken care of, I always go into the kitchen for some water. Begin by drinking 12-16 ounces of water upon waking. I like to add Lemon to my water to help wake my digestion system up. Just a side note, if you have never done this, you may need to use the bathroom shortly after. Just be ready.

By this time, you have been awake for 15-20 minutes and have already done more than you usually have done. You will begin to feel more accomplished which will translate into the rest of your day.

At this point, you are free to do anything that will set your day up for success. People like to read, meditate, pray, workout, etc. I like to check my calendar on the computer so I can begin to script my day. This allows me to stay organized and attack my daily responsibilities.

After I check my calendar and emails, I will make my pre-workout drink. I like to use “Pre-Kaged” and “Creatine.” Very simple and provides me with what I need to workout for about an hour. While drinking this, I will walk the dog and enjoy the early morning breeze outside. There is absolutely nothing better than waking up early and spending some time outside in the quiet. This is a great time to collect your thoughts and really take time to yourself.

I like to think of this time as the only part of my day to be selfish. When we are in “Dad” mode, we like to fix problems. We see an issue and attack it head on! We give advice to people, we comfort, we lead, guide and direct others. Our entire day is spent focusing on others right? So when do we get time for us? Early in the morning!! Get up early enough that your significant other, children, co-workers, employees and family members are still asleep. You know you wont get any phone calls, text messages or questions. Take this time to think about your dreams. Maybe those dreams you used to have, but put to the side because work took over or you had kids and simply don’t have time to dream anymore.

“I like to think of this time as the only part of my day to be selfish.”

Take this time to be thankful. Thank God for everything you DO have. Those crazy munchkins running around stressing you out. That beautiful, but exhausted wife who enjoys sleeping late because that is HER alone time. Your house that you love to pay for on the 1st of every month. That car that was to expensive to buy. That AC unit that broke and you had to repair. These things can seem like burdens in life, but don’t ever take these things for granted. It is easy to find your identity in your job, your family or something else. However, if all of it was stripped away, who would you be?

Having something concrete like a morning routine will allow you to be more structured, hold yourself accountable, but most importantly, attack the day early and set your entire day up for success.

Below I have attached my personal morning routine.

It has been a couple of weeks since my last post because of Christmas and traveling. However my last challenge was completed and I have been trying to maintain waking up early. Being at my parents house for Christmas made it very difficult to wake up at 4:30 so I slept a little later those days. I was thinking about what I wanted my next challenge to be and the one thing I want to improve on the most in 2017 is to be more extroverted. I’ve always wanted to have the courage to talk to anyone about anything at anytime. Outside of work, I am very introverted and shy. I do not do well around people I don’t know or in large crowds. I am not sure what it is specifically but I am just not comfortable starting a conversation with a stranger. So the next challenge is going to be 21 days of just stepping out of my comfort zone and talking to random people. Starting conversations with strangers and being the person to meet new people. Scared? Yeah….however it has always been a goal of mine so I am ready for the challenge. This will also be something I can update daily.

We have reached day 6 of the 21 day challenge of getting up at 4:30am and I will say that it has been very rewarding so far. A lot of things have changed mentally for me as well as physically. Getting up early has allowed me to spend more time focusing on what is important in my life and also everything I need to improve on. It has also given me a lot more energy throughout the day to strive to be better and better. Prior to doing the challenge, around 2 in the afternoon I would be so tired that I would lose focus and just coast through the remainder of the day. There were things that needed to be done, but I ignored because I was to tired to care. However gaining the two hours of sleep at night and also gaining the two hours of productivity in the morning has really boosted my drive and determination. Mentally, I can feel my attitude has improved toward other people and I feel like I am able to share in things I enjoy again. It’s very interesting to me how such a small change can make such a large impact on everything else. My workouts have improved as well so now I am putting my attention onto my nutrition to really drive the big three (exercise, nutrition, sleep) home and really get into a strong and positive habit. I would say it has been a successful week with the challenge and am excited to continue with it next week!

 

So it hit me on my ride home how success is like a muscle. Of course just like leadership, success can also be defined in many ways. Most people define success by how much you have, especially money. Regardless of how you define it, if you are truly passionate about becoming successful, you are bound to hit obstacles and run into problems. So now I want you to think about one person you know who is fit. Or if you don’t know anyone, get new friends 😉 and think of the most fit person you’ve ever seen. How did they build their muscles? Ask that person “how did you get such a huge bicep muscle?” No muscle can grow and get bigger without first having some kind of resistance against it. When a muscle is broken down in the gym, it has no idea how much weight is being used, all it knows is the amount of force and resistance that is being placed on it. So then with proper nutrition it will grow back bigger and stronger. Sounds easy right??!! Well, if it was easy, we would all be on a magazine cover!

So think about that resistance you forced on your muscle. The only way you will ever reach what you define as success, you will first go through some kind of resistance. Hard times, stress, late nights, all these things provide resistance on your life. Well what comes after resistance? Growth!! It’s time to rebuild that “muscle!” So the rebuilding process includes building your knowledge on what your striving for, seeking counsel from people who have already accomplished that goal, and digging deeper to find your inner strength and drive. You cannot grow without resistance and you won’t be successful without hard times and problems. It’s how you approach these problems and how you overcome them that will rebuild and grow that muscle.

“What comes after resistance? Growth!!”

The reason why most people have a New Years resolution for losing weight and getting fit is because they are unhappy or feel insecure, (especially in today’s world). However the reality is that 90% of those people give up after only a couple weeks! Why?? Because it gets hard. They get “to busy” and can’t find time. Anything that provides resistance in life is going to hurt some how. That “burn” you feel in the gym is from Lactic Acid that builds in the muscle when resistance is forced on it. Essentially, (without sounding like a chemistry professor) we all have goals and want success. However we have lactic acid that builds up in our lives when things get hard thus causing pain or stress and force us to give up. The thing is in the muscle building industry, lactic acid is a positive thing because it aids in muscle break down! So when our “success” in life is being broken down by hardships and stress, we have to continually push through the burn so we can begin the rebuilding process! If you truly want something, the pain will drive you to work harder to build your success muscle!

 

Take a second and think about the most important people in your life who had a very strong impact on how you turned out……I’ll wait…..got it? Were these people strong leaders in your life like your parents, grandparents or teachers? What about a mentor? Now take a second to think about how they impacted you…..John Maxwell is a very popular author of many leadership books and he discusses how leadership is broken down into different steps. However in all my experience and reading, there are either 100 different ways to describe leadership or people can’t define it at all. When I read one of Maxwell’s books, he defines leadership as “influence.” Now take a second to think about those people again….did they have a strong influence on you? More than likely they did!!

Of course this could be argued by saying, “well I’ve had people who influenced me in a negative way.” The reality of this is those same people probably had all the necessary leadership skills to lead others, but they didn’t use it for good and they used it to influence people in a negative way. Leadership skills are the same either way but can be used to manipulate just as easy as they are to grow others. This is where the core of that person needs to be strong and positive.

It’s not about you 

Influencing other people is a very powerful tool to have in your tool box. However, the foundation of this influence needs to be your intentions. If you are someone who people come to for advice or to ask life altering questions, give yourself a pat on the back because it means you are a trustworthy person. You are influencing others with your advice so understand that every word out of your mouth could potentially be challenged.  When these people ask you questions, you want to try and return with a challenge to them and ask them questions as well. For example: let’s say someone comes to you in confidence and expresses how they consistently have no money to spend. A good response question to them would be “What kind of choices are you making with the money you do have?” Challenge their minds and raise their perception on the very topic they approached you with. Good influence is digging deep into a person and changing their mindset on everything. I always tell people who are rising fast, they need to take off their slippers and put their dress shoes on. Stepping out of their current mindset and stepping into a stronger, more mature state of mind.

It’s about them 

One of the first things I learned about being a leader is it is no longer about me. Now I personally have more to learn about leadership and do not consider myself a “John Maxwell” by any means, however you do not need a lot of experience to simply influence another person. The majority of people influence others on a daily basis without ever knowing it. In my line of work, I am responsible for 10-15 other people at a time so I quickly learned how it was no longer about me but about them. Investing in and Empowering them to feel important and understood. Kids from 16 to adults in their 20s and up. Realizing that a 16 year old will always respond differently than a 25 year old, but treating them both with the same respect. Influence comes in all shapes and sizes, but showing someone you genuinely care about them and care about their success will give them more hope than anything else. It’s not about you, it’s about them.